Tossing Batting Practice while removing a patch at the bottom commemorating my eighth column…Screw you AP Style…it was given to me by the Associated Press.

Congratulations to Roger Clemens on joining the exclusive 299/154 club. This select club that includes such legends as Kid Nichols, John Clarkson and Tim Keefe, (as well as Nolan Ryan, Cy Young, and Steve Carlton).

Larry Brown’s family should immediately take him to a doctor, because I think senility may be setting in. He walked away from $12 million, on a winning team that has a chance to win every year because the East sucks. Instead he will likely end up with the Clippers???? Yes those Clippers, the ones that have made two playoff appearances in club history. They have zero commitment to winning, and it doesn’t matter anyway because the West is loaded. Great career move Larry.

On that note is there a more overrated coach than Brown? He has only made the NBA Finals once. He won one NCAA championship thanks the three weeks in 1988 when Danny Manning was unstoppable.

This from Brown at his press conference yesterday. "I hope [the legacy] is that our team played hard and played unselfishly.” Did he see the same Allen Iverson taking 47 shots a game and not showing up to practice that I did?

Will Allen Iverson still be talking about practice with his new coach?

This year’s Cleveland Indians display all the features of the Major League Indians<. Attendance is way down. They got a bunch of no name players. Omar Vizquel looks more and more like Roger Dorn every day. Their manager was running a batting cage during the offseason. The PR department should run a “Major League day” promotion where fans have to identify which names are on the current roster and which names were just characters in the movie. Those that answer correctly get to go home, and are no longer subjected to such horrible baseball.

Will more “fans” in Jersey show up to see the Devils in the Stanley Cup, or the Nets in the NBA Finals?

Why is it there are always at least three coaches sitting by the bullpen phone in a Major League dugout? Is it locked, and like a nuclear weapon you need at least two keys to turn it? Every time you see a camera shot to the dugout the manager is flanked on either side by at least two coaches. I blame Joe Torre and Don Zimmer for this.

If the Stanley Cup Finals were sudden death the entire game, it would be so much cooler.

If you told me that you won the Indianapolis 500 this weekend, I would not be able to prove you wrong.

Having since gone to look up who actually did win the race, one thought crossed my mind. Do the people in Brazil actually realize that Indianapolis is not even close to a real American city..And that driving around in a circle 170 odd times is the most exciting thing that happens there each year?

The basketball gods fired a giant lightning bolt at the Mavericks this weekend with Dirk Nowitzki going down with a knee injury. Somewhere Rick Adelman and the rest of the Sacramento Kings are smiling.

Hello???? Hockey fan are you out there?

George Steinbrenner, part owner of the New Jersey Nets, recently compared Jason Kidd to Bob Cousy. When did the Boss become John Wooden? His ability to judge baseball talent is poor at best, but now he seems to think he can judge talent in all sports. I look forward to him comparing Scott Stevens to Ray Bourque or Bobby Orr after the Stanley Cup.

Finally, China had the Women’s World Cup (in that “sport” soccer) taken away from it due to SARS fears. I am now on my way to rent an RV to travel with the team this summer on their quest to repeat, and my quest to steal Mia Hamm from Nomar.